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Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I once had a girl....

....or should I say, she once had me? I had a girlfriend when I was in college who seemed to be a great fit.

A grad student, she was three years older than me. She had a younger brother whom she had dressed in skirts when they were kids. Her description of their relationship sounded much as mine with my older sister. She was the boss.

We dated for awhile, I was as attentive as I could be. Did her nails, massaged every bit of her that she wanted rubbing. 

One night while I was giving her a back rub I put forth the idea that I would like to belong to her, to be her slave. I'd been dropping little hints for awhile.  She said nothing at first, I prompted her, asking:"What do you think?". She rolled over onto her back, clasped her hands behind her head, smiled at me and said: "What do I think? I think you should get down on your knees and kiss my feet, that's what I think." 

So it began. She used to spank me with a wooden spoon, sometimes a belt. She seemed to relish telling our friends that she was the dominant one, ordering me around while they were there, remarking that I was becoming 'well trained'. She'd teasingly threaten to expose me, sometimes asking out loud in the presence of others if she was going to have to get her spoon. Once wrestling with me, trying to pull off my socks to show that my toenails were polished to match hers.

So it was for almost four years. We lived together for a short while. As time went on she was increasingly critical of me. I could do nothing right. I was damned no matter what. Got in trouble once for pulling a kleenex out of the box wrong. The box had moved a little so it was no longer paralell with the wall. She loved cunnilingus but thought I was disgusting for doing it. Crazy shit like that. In the end it was a very bitter breakup. She said terrible, hateful things. I suppose it was because she was in anguish as well. I was absolutely devastated. Lost 20lbs. I couldn't bear to see a couple holding hands because I felt that intimacy was something I'd never have. Time went by. I went to grad school. I dated a little, kept my sectrets, got burned a couple of times. Once was stood up for a date. (Why bother, just say no if you don't want to go out with me.) In grad school I met two wonderful women. They were both employed in the department. Both married with kids. They befreinded me, took me under their wing, gave me love and respect. Put me in my place when they thought it necessary. Really renewed my faith in mankind and showed me that not all women were stark raving lunatics as experience had previously taught.


  1. So - since you volunteered to answer my questions - was her intimacy style as a lover similar her style as a mistress?

    If you read through
    does her example fit my map, or break it?

    1. Hello Giles,

      I don't know if I responded to this privately, or not at all. Sorry. I was fishing through my blog today and came upon this comment. In the beginning of our relationship I think it was a great deal about our special connection. Later on it was certainly, 'you should know what I'm feeling!'. That was a recipe for a great deal of frustration.

      At present my wife of almost 25 years has no interest in my kinks or predilections really. Told her some time ago that I have a blog. Also mentioned that it was a little hurtful that she expressed no interest in seeing it. Still nothing.

      Otherwise we fit perfectly together in the vanilla world. Lots of fun together.

      Pop me an e-mail if you have a question or want to talk.