Follow by Email

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Mice and Men

The year was 1986. August I think. I was twenty four years old.  A friend of mine was celebrating her 40th birthday. She'd just left her place of employment, where we'd met, and was about to embark on a new adventure on the West coast, San Fransisco.

The party was well attended. It was in a large A-frame home nestled in the woods at the edge of a nature preserve.  The owner was an artist and professor. I was late in arriving as I'd had some other business to attend to.  The birthday girl's sister had the compass upside down on the crude, hand drawn map that came with the invitation.  I'd spent some time driving about in the wrong part of the county in the dark.

She was pretty well lit up by the time I arrived.  It's amusing, sometimes, to be the only sober one in the room.

I drank a few of the beers I'd brought with me and conversed with other folks from the place where we had worked. Met some new folks. It was a good time, all in all.

The day had taken it's toll on me and the beers rendered me unconscious.  I woke up in a dark room feeling the urge to pee and hearing some noises.  Blinking and looking around I found myself on a bed with the birthday girl and her sister there with me, sleeping. I was a bit upset with myself in that I'd missed the party. As I gained consciousness and focus, I listened to the noises I was hearing, trying to discern what was making them.  Best I could tell, someone was administering a whipping in the next room.

Still, I had to pee.  I made my way to the hall and across it to where I remembered a bathroom.  Soft candlelight revealed a woman spread eagle on the vanity and a fella with his drawers down going at her.  (Hey! What the fuck!!? My toothbrush!!!) I thought briefly that they might not notice me on the can but....  I made my way down the stairs and ran into the Prof in a hallway.  He seemed not at all surprised at my presence, asked what he could do for me and directed me to the bathroom on that floor.

I went back upstairs to bid farewell to my friend.  (It's rude to leave and not say goodbye, eh.)  She was sober by now.  We talked, whispering in the darkness with her sister snoring right there next to us.

That was the last time I saw most of any of those people in person.  Last I heard of the A-frame was that it had become vacant and neglected. Birthday girl was contacted in recent years through social media.  I had to remind her who I was.  (!) She looked like a nun in the photo she put up.  Not the person I remembered telling me about conjugal visits at the prison, a boyfriend who like to pretend he was selling Girl Scout cookies,  and who made some awesome preserves from homegrown produce.  When she did remember me she said, 'Oh yes. That person is gone now. That was another lifetime.'

The plan I had in those days was to continue my studies, earn a Doctorate, teach and conduct research.  Psychology with an emphasis on behavioral genetics, intrauterine effects on neurological development and psychopharmacology.  I never quite got there. Perhaps I gave up too easily. It got to a point though, that I really didn't find the idea of spending hours in the lab too appealing anymore.  I wanted to go sit on my boat. I still think that's about the best pass time.

Along the path I delivered packages, (What can brown do for you? Heh.) Cleaned poop off of various surfaces in many capacities. (There really is shit everywhere.) Managed tens of millions of dollars and personnel. Built things, tore things down. Married a grand little Irish woman. Had some troublesome girls who I love deeply, but wish were boys just every once in awhile, like when they wreck my truck or call me to ask for tech support from 1000 miles away.  

The best laid plans. I had it all there figuring what I was going to do next.  Didn't work out quite like I planned. It's been just grand all the same.

Thursday, November 3, 2016

Catholic Girls

I recall an incident. Back in the day.  Must have been about when I was in the third grade or so.  We were assembled in the church for Mass.  Gordon L., being himself, was causing mischief.  I don't remember exactly what is was he was at, but one of the Sisters came and snatched his ass out of his seat. What happened to him after that I don't remember.

I thought I was minding my own business, admiring the attributes of the high school girls who had filled the adjacent pews. Perhaps I was being a bit too obvious as, much to my surprise, I was hoisted from my seat by a habit wearer and plopped down in the midst of a sea of plaid skirts and white blouses.  It was something else. Sister probably thought she was punishing me. Ha!  Though I was uncomfortable and embarrassed at having been singled out, I had quite a rush.  Knee socks and penny loafers, all that hair, all those smells that are peculiar to females. Bonus!!

Don't know what became of old Gordon. Years later he had a 'Big Mac Attack' and bolted out of our algebra class.  Funny kid. I heard that he had some run in's with the law as an adult.   Never could live by the rules.

Friday, October 28, 2016

Psychopathia Sexualis

Richard von Krafft-Ebbing, the author of this encyclopedia of unusual sexual preferences first published in 1886.

I read sections of it during my studies in psychology.  I found one edition that was in english, but with all of the explicit descriptions in Latin.  Therefore, only the most erudite of pervs may partake and understand.  

One case study that hit close to home for me, (there were several), was that of a young man and a servant girl in his family estate.  At the end of the days would recline in a window case I think.  There she would read and relax. Taking off her boots and stockings, the family dog came to lick her toes.  The young man was fascinated with this and begged permission to observe.  This went on for some time with the boy eventually taking the role of the dog, consuming the liquor of her daily toil.

Monday, October 17, 2016

This Harvest Moon

It's the 'Hunter's Moon' here.  Super moon.  Close to the earth.  Pretty.

Because I'm still in love with you.

Wednesday, June 22, 2016


Here's a thing about me.....maybe the thing.  I hang on.  It's not a measured deal for me. I recall things clearly that happened forty years ago.  It's really all in there, it's a matter of retrieval. Sometimes I can pull it out, others not so much.

I don't want it to end, ever.  This conversation, this song, this dance, this nap.  I abhor endings...... like nature a vacuum.

Having a hard go with time slipping away.   People leave, I didn't get to say goodbye.

Steve Miller:  'Fly Like an Eagle'

The Chambers Brothers: 'Time Has Come Today'

Monday, May 23, 2016

I don't remember.

Peter Gabriel circa 1980.  Most things I do remember. Bit of a curse sometimes.

Of course, it's all in there.  It's a matter of getting it back.  I've been laughed at for saying the same, by folks who know not a thing about biology. Silly.

This version is the one I prefer:

Couple of days hence I'll be in the presence of my vinyl collection. I mean to get this one out and play it loud.

Monday, May 2, 2016

I'm walking a line.

For a long time I felt without style or grace
Wearing shoes with no socks in cold weather
I knew my heart was in the right place
I knew I'd be able to do these things.
And as we watch him digging his own grave
It is important to know that was where he's at
He can't afford to stop...That is what he believe
He'll keep on digging for a thousand years.
I'm walking a line-I'm thining about empty motion
I'm walking a line-Just barely enough to be living
Get outa the way-No time to begin
This isn't the time-So nothing was done
Not talking about-Not many at all
I'm turning around-No trouble at all
You notice there's nothing around you, around you
I'm walking a line-Divide and dissolve.
Never get to say much, never get to talk
Tell us a little bit, but not too much
Right about then, is where she give up
She has closed her eyes, she has give up hope
I'm walking a line-I hate to be dreaming in motion
I'm walking a line-Just barely enough to be living
Get outa the way-No time to begin
This isn't the time-So nothing was done
Not talking about-Not many at all
I'm turning around-No trouble at all
I'm keeping my fingers behind me, 'hind me
I'm walking a line-Divide and dissolve.
I turn myself around, I'm moving backwards and forwards
I'm moving twice as much as I was before
I'll keep on digging to the center of the Earth
I'll be down in there moving the in the room...
I'm walking a line-Visiting houses in motion
I'm walking a line-Just barely enough to be living
Get outa the way-No time to begin
This isn't the time-So nothing was done
Not talking about-Not many at all
I'm turning around-No trouble at all
Two different houses surround you, 'round you
I'm walking a line-Divide and dissolve.